


Déjà vu

by silentghosts



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, a bucket load of cliches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:56:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4899322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentghosts/pseuds/silentghosts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it finally happens it’s almost like deja vu. </p><p>In which Jack signs with, Bitty flees and everything sort of works it self out in the end</p>
            </blockquote>





	Déjà vu

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Kim](http://betsytheoven.tumblr.com) for the truly astounding amount of hand holding she did while I was writing this, I can safely say that without you this would still just be a bunch of messages between the two of us lost on my phone forever.

When it finally happens it’s almost like deja vu.

 

It was late afternoon one Saturday and almost everyone was crowded into the kitchen, lured by the smell of freshly baked pies. The frogs were crammed onto the kitchen counter, while the rest of them crowded around the table, Lardo squished against Bitty’s side as they attempted to share a single seat between the two of them. The bang of chairs against the floor echoed around the kitchen as Holster and Ransom attempt to push each other out of their chairs in an effort to get to the final piece of pie. Chuckling softly to himself at the sight Eric couldn’t help but think of the quarter slice hidden in the back of the fridge for when Jack got home that Bitty had put away specifically for him the moment it came out of the oven before the masses of hockey players could descend on the kitchen. 

This thing with Jack, it was weird right now. Bitty has had the idea since half way through winter break that maybe Jack is not entirely straight. There may have been some google searches that he was less than proud of and some serious self reflection because sometimes. Sometimes he felt like maybe there was something there, something more than the tentative friendship they had struck up by the end of last year.

 

This morning Bitty was woken up by tentative knock, followed shortly by Jack’s head poking through the door, hair looking obnoxiously soft as he ran his other hand through it.

“Hey, I know it’s early, but I was hoping to talk with you? No checking practice, I promise.”

Bitty hummed in reply, moving himself to sit more upright in bed as Jack softly closed the door and moved to sit in his desk chair, fingers thrumming against the armrest anxiously as they sat there in comfortable silence.

“I have to head off soon, I’m due into the city by 9, and well I know traffic’s going to be bad. I just wanted to say good morning before I left.”

Shifting awkwardly, Bitty nodded, not entirely sure what Jack’s reason for being here was.

“Do you know what time you’re getting back? I can have a pie ready for you when you get in, if you like?”

“Sure Bits, that would be great. I’ve got to get going now, but how about I text you when I’m done with the Falconers? I should be back about 4 though.”

As Jack left he paused at the door, “Anyway I will see you tonight Bittle.” stalling for just a moment too long, as if he had something else he wanted to say before hastily shutting the door behind him, footsteps echoing down the stairs leaving Bitty to wonder what on earth that was all about.

 

Drawn back to reality by a sharp elbow jabbing into his ribs as Lardo squirmed next to him at the kitchen table, joining the fight for the final slice of pie before holding it victorious above her head. As the two d-men stopped fighting the kitchen quieted, leaving only the soft sounds of conversations between friends as they sat crammed around the table together laugher intermittently filling the air.

 

It could have been hours later, but in reality was probably just minutes when Bitty heard the front door creak open, the unmistakable sound of Jack shuffling around in the hallway seeping through the walls before Chowder’s voice cut through the silence.

“Jack we saved you a piece of pie.” Chowder yelled as Jack walked through the doorway his fingers trailing along back of Bitty’s chair, brushing against the fabric of his shirt as he moved to lean against the wall sending shivers down Eric's spine in the process.

“Thanks Chowder, I have something I want to tell you all first if that's fine…” Jack replied trailing off.

Turning to look at Jack, Bitty braced himself for the news that was was probably coming, the final nail in the coffin that was the full realisation of Jack's graduation.

“I wanted to tell you all before it's announced tomorrow. I um… I signed today… With the Providence Falconers…” Jack's voice petered out, growing faint as his eyes darted nervously around the room waiting for a reaction.

 

Before Bitty could even fully absorb the shock the entire room was filled with noise. Every person in the room seemed to launch themselves at Jack simultaneously, reminiscent of the reaction to Shitty’s acceptance to Harvard almost 2 months ago. Except this time instead of being crammed between Holster and Shitty, Jack's hand ruffling his hair like he usually did after a goal, he was on the outside, blindsided even though he shouldn’t have been, even though he had ample warning.

Shuddering as a stray body bumped into his chair, jostling the first tear from his eyes Bitty ran towards the door tripping on the door jam in an attempt to wipe the tears from his eyes, desperately attempting to escape the sounds of celebration.

Stumbling out the front door, leaving it to swing shut behind him Eric walked aimlessly away from the house. He knew what today was, what it could mean for Jack. But still Bitty had never once stopped to consider what it would mean to him, not even after Shitty’s ill timed acceptance to Harvard and Lardo’s quiet fleeing. A dark chuckle escaped his throat as he turned the corner, a couple of LAX bros glancing at him strangely, his face most likely tear-stained and his shirt still covered with specks of flour from baking Jack’s pies. Rationally Eric knew he should go back, should chirp Jack about his multimillion dollar contract, check him into the counter because he could, and hand over the slice of pie he baked just for him with a massive smile on his face. Then again rationally he never should have left at all, instead folded himself into the hug even if it was a minute too late.

 

Glancing up, Bitty took stock of his surroundings, barely even shocked to find himself almost in front of Faber. The rink it turned out was empty, the women’s team that usually held this spot already gone away for a game the next day, leaving the perfectly smooth sheet of ice all to Bitty. Collecting his skates from the locker room and moving to tie them up Bitty couldn’t help but think of how similar this felt to early morning checking practice. The air was quiet just the noise of his own breath breaking it and the ice was laid out in front of him, perfectly smooth just waiting to be skated upon.

The only difference being this time there would be no Jack, and in just a few short months there would be no Jack here at all. He would have a new rink, and a new team and a new winger that was going to be a hundred times better than Bitty could ever dream of being. Pushing forward off the bench Eric began to skate lazy circles, warming up his legs as his bare arms shivered against the cold rink air. As his legs yet again got used to the motion, Bitty’s mind began to wander again, thinking about Jack in the NHL, thinking about Jack at Samwell, thinking about Jack just the other morning and the way he had smiled when Eric had managed to push out of a particularly brutal check. Jack in the food lecture last week leaning forward to chirp Bitty around half the team for dropping his notebook at the mention of pie, Jack almost two months ago at Lardo’s art show smiling down at him through the lens of his camera, Jack this morning standing in his doorway wanting to say good morning when the biggest decision of his life was just hours away.

Turning to a slow stop at center ice Bitty let his hands come up to his face, knees buckling as the first sob tore through his body, almost covering the sound of a rink gate swinging open.  Timidly lifting his face out of his hands Eric looked up, expecting to see the cause of all this turmoil standing at the edge of the ice. Instead he was greeted by the sight of Lardo, perched on the divider at the edge of the home bench, a mixture of sympathy and understanding written plainly on her face. Of course it was Lardo that followed him, that found him. After all it was only fitting after Bitty had followed her outside, wiped away her tears and stayed glued by her side for the remainder of the night.

 

Skating slowly towards the bench Bitty wiped the back of his hand across his eyes in an attempt to mop up any errant tears before perching himself on the divider next to Lardo, his skates banging against the wall in the process. For a while they sat there in silence, staring over the ice that would no longer belong to the boys they most cared for, but to them instead.

“It felt almost like deja vu today, watching you leave the room in tears, I can’t believe we both ran away.” Lardo murmured, her eyes still on the ice as Bitty turned to look at her.

“I just, he told me this morning, I knew what was going to happen, and I’m not sure I can forgive myself for running away. At least you have an excuse, you never had a chance to see it coming.” Bitty sighed, nudging her hand where it rest on the divider next to him. “ At least we’re in this together, like now you have dibs we can keep each other company. I just I still can't believe I reacted like that. God Jack must hate me. He was so nervous about this, and like this morning. Oh lord I have screwed up.” Bitty buried his head in his hand. Thinking about how worried Jack had been about this decision, about this second chance he was getting. Bitty wasn’t foolish enough to think that his opinion was the only one that mattered to Jack, but he was optimistic enough in their whatever to think that maybe, just maybe it meant a little more to him than the majority of the team.

“He doesn’t hate you, he wouldn’t hate you, in fact I think it's almost impossible for Jack to hate you.” Lardo assured him, returning the shoulder bump from just moments ago.

“I know, at least I think I do. I just it's so hard to get a read on him sometimes. but after Parse…” Bitty stopped himself, what happened upstairs during Epikegster still on his mind, but it wasn’t his story to tell. “I just sometimes I think maybe he feels the same way, and other times, I’m just a college sophomore and he’s; well now he’s a professional hockey player. He doesn’t need me.”

 

Before Bitty could even catch his breath he was sprawled across the ice, his bare arm pressing against the frozen surface as Lardo’s laughter bubbled through the air as he fought to push himself upright against the edge of the boards. 

“You can’t think that Bitty, please tell me you don’t. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see that Jack is head over heels for you. The guy changed morning practice so you could take that food class together last semester for god's sake.” Lardo laughed, reaching down a hand towards him as a peacemaking gesture. However instead of using that hand to help himself up Bitty grabbed it, yanking Lardo down onto the ice with him, her shriek echoing around the empty rink before both of them exploded into peals of laughter.

 

After both of them had caught their breath and the laughter had subsided, they sat against the board in silence, their legs slowly freezing but neither of them willing to break from where they sat shoulder to shoulder looking out over the rink.

“Look I know what you said about Jack, but I can’t make the first move. Not with Jack. And it’s not for the reasons you think, it's just he has to choose, I can’t take that away from him. Not when he has the most to lose.” Bitty muttered, his voice muffled as he pressed his face further into Lardo’s shoulder.

“ _You_ could but.” he doesn’t expect her to hear it, the thought vocalised, the small amount of resentment he held toward the pair bubbling to the surface. However in true Lardo fashion, instead of the vicious biting anger Eric had been expecting her shoulder sink further, and her already small frame seemed to curl further in on itself, jostling Bitty with her shoulder as she deflated.

“I know, I know I can. It should be simple for me and Shits, there’s nothing standing in our way but ourselves. But still it's scary, I know Boston isn’t that far away, but still. He’s my best friend, and I don't want to ruin that…” Placing her hand on his shoulder Lardo pushed herself upright, her boot-clad feet slipping against the ice as she held herself up against the barrier. “I’m going to head back now, do you want to come? Or do you want to do a couple more laps first?” she questioned as she pulled herself up over the boards, audibly sighing with relief as her feet once again hit solid ground.

“I think, I’m going to do a couple more laps. Do some thinking. I just, I’m not ready to go back quite yet.” Bitty sighed, pushing himself onto his feet and swizzling backwards away from the home bench as Lardo shot him a joking salute and headed back towards the locker room and offices.

 

Setting off around the ice Bitty let himself yet against get lost in the motion of skating, of his blades cutting up the ice, of the woosh of the cold rink air against his bare arms. As he ghosted his fingers along the glass as his looped around the rink again, the rink progressively got darker as the sun dipped below the horizon. He would have to leave soon, go back to the house, back to Jack. But as the last of the day's light glinted off the surface of the ice, Bitty found himself halting to a stop in front of the giant glass windows at the far end of the rink. He didn’t know how he missed the sound of the rink door opening this time, but a soft spray of ice hit his ankles as Jack's reflection appeared next to his in the glass.

“Hey, Lardo arrived back at the Haus and you weren't with her.” Jack spoke softly, his voice wavering nervously “I thought, I thought I would come find you. See if you are okay.”

“Well... you found me.” Bitty chuckled nervously, still averting his jaze from Jack’s in the glass, instead choosing to study the markings against the boards. He was pretty sure at least one of them was from his pads the other week during checking practice, when Jack had slammed him against the glass at full force pushing them against each other. He stumbled forward and caught himself against the aforementioned boards as Jack’s shoulder bumped into his from behind, his arm winding itself around his waist.

 

“Hey, talk to me Bits. You are okay though?” he spoke softly into Bittys ear before letting him go.

Finally looking at Jack for the first time since he said those words that afternoon Bitty was hit with another wave of guilt, ducking his head again, mindlessly thrumming his fingers against his thigh.

“I’m. I’m fine Jack, don’t worry. Sorry I ran out like that.” Bitty stuttered, almost flinching back as Jack's hand reached out to catch the one against his leg as tears sprung to his eyes again. Jack drew him forward pulling him by the hand, Bitty’s other hand tangled in his shirt as Bitty pressed his face into Jack’s chest, muffling his sobs into the fabric as his tears wet the fabric.

“It all just seems real now, that you’re leaving. I don’t know what I was expecting, for you to stay here, stay here with me.” the words just seemed to spill out of Bitty, all of his deepest darkest thoughts since that day he ran into Jack and George on the bridge. He knew Providence wasn’t that far, not really. Not compared to the Pens or the Habs.

“Bits, you can’t ask me that, you can’t.” Jack's head thumped forward onto the top of Eric's for just a moment before the weight of what he had said hit Bitty as he scrambled backwards away from Jack towards the boards, eyes frantic.

“God no, Jack I’m sorry. Fuck. I would never. Lord you must hate me I can’t believe I said that.”  his voice rose in pitch until his back knocked against the boards, the shivers that he had been repressing for the better part of the last hour finally shuddering through his body as Jack's eyes widened with concern, his arms reaching out towards Bitty before jerking back to his side.

“Bittle, I could never hate you. Just give me a minute okay.” Jack spoke, back in a voice that was reminiscent of early in Bitty’s frog year before spinning on his blades and shooting off towards the other end of the rink, leaving Bitty to sink down against the boards and shudder not just from the cold, but also from the tears that were flowing hot and fast down his face.

 

As the sound of skates drew closer again Bitty found himself with a pile a maroon fabric over his head as Jack chuckled softly in front of him.

“Come on Bits, put that on before you get hypothermia and then we can talk” he muttered, leaning down to tug softly on Eric's arm, urging him up and helping him into the hoodie as he continued to cry, before pulling him into a hug. The smell of Jack surrounded Bitty as he buried his head further into the nook of Jack's arm; curling his fingers up and around the back of his shoulders. Jack held him tight against his body as Bitty’s breath hitched from the imperceivable shapes being traced across the tops of Bitty’s shoulders, the motion slowly calming him. As they stood there wrapped up in each other, breathing in tandem, Bitty tried to decipher the pattern being traced across his back.

“Z-I-M. Zimmermann.” he whispered into Jack’s shoulder only to be rewarded with the soft sound of Jack laugh as his body shook beneath him.

“You are wearing my hoodie, with my name on it, and my number.” Jack chirped, a small smile on his face as he pulled back from the hug. Bitty rocked his weight backwards onto his heels, sliding slowly backwards along the ice in an attempt to add distance between them, before Jack shot his hands out like earlier. Only this time instead of withdrawing them mid-air he caught Eric's hands stopping him from gliding away, yet again making Bitty’ heart thump in his chest, his face heating up under the intensity of Jack’s gaze.

“You know how I feel about you right? You understand why you can’t ask that?”

Eric nodded this eyes still fixed on Jack and his hands still twitching from where the rest intertwined with Jacks.

“If you asked I would, but you can’t ask me. Its taken me too long to get to where I am. To be able to do this” Jack paused, sucking in a deep breath his thumb absentmindedly rubbing against the back of Bitty’s hand. “I can however promise that I’m not going to leave you, whatever we are. I can’t be here all the time, but I can visit you, and you can visit me, and there’s Skype and text messaging and lord knows you're never off your phone anyway, eh?”

“Okay...” Bitty sucked in a deep breath of air, willing his lungs to keep working and his heart to slow down. “but whatever this is, whatever we are. I don’t want us to start like this. Not fighting, not because we are both terrified of things changing.” Bitty stated, his voice no longer wavering as he squeezed Jack’s hands.

“So we take it slow. Do this together at our own pace” Jack murmured raising their joined hands in front of their faces and threading their fingers together, Bitty’s heart frantically tried to beat its way out of his chest as his gazed up at this boy who meant so much to him.

 

Walking back to the Haus under the soft glow of the street lights, Bitty pulled the hood of the sweater up and buried his hands within the sleeves as they hung by his side. Jack's shoulder occasionally bumped into his as their hands brushed against each others’ through the sleeves of their sweatshirts. It’s not perfect. Jack is still a professional hockey player, and Bitty is still from the South and neither of them are ready to be fully out. But for now, for now the promise of what they could be was enough. Enough to warm Bitty from the inside out as he tilted his head up to look at Jack, only to find him already looking down at him a sly smile stretched across his face.

 

The next afternoon found everyone yet again crowded into the kitchen, the atmosphere light with chirping as Bitty’s phone dinged with a notification.

 

 **Providence Falconers @Falconers** · Apr 18

“We are proud to welcome Jack Zimmermann to the Falconers line up for the coming season” - Assistant GM Georgia Martin

 

A grin spread across Bitty’s face as he nudged Jack’s ankle with his foot, and held his phone out so he could read it, and a wave of pride swelled up in his chest as the corners of Jack's mouth twitched. They might not have it all together yet, might not be anything official and come next spring they wouldn’t even be living in the same city, let alone across the hall from each other. But for the first time in what seemed like forever they were on the same page, heading in the same direction and maybe, just maybe, sometime in next month before graduation, in Jack's last month as a Samwell student, something would happen. But for now as Bitty pulled back his phone fingers flying across the screen as his feet tangled with Jack’s under the table this was enough. In fact it was kind of perfect, really.

 

 **Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease** · Apr 18

Well, congrats to Jack Zimmermann for signing. It's official...

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat with me on [Tumblr](http://jlzimmermann.tumblr.com)


End file.
